To Protect My Love (0)


Dear diary

I hope i will love God more.

Dear God just for tonight. I want to fall in love. I hope that somebody will fall for me.  Mutually fall for each other. Just for tonight. Just for tonight. Let  him remember me and let him count his sins by remembering me and not You , and then,  let him let me go. Let our love fall apart because of the remembrance of you. But please, one day, Let our soul be one, let us be one because of you.

After these days that I’ve been having headache thinking about myself, it will be over in a few more hours. It will not kill my joy with people, but might totally tarnish my love for a man.  Right after writing this stupid confession, I will make sure, not even a minute will I ever let my guard down just to fall again. Just for tonight, dear God. Even though I might die tomorrow? I don’t know, but I’m sure to love you, in a way that I have never thought of before. As for my fate, and the worrisome jodoh things, this is my vow, to keep my heart pure, to accept anything that might’ve come to me.  Life is a choice, the labyrinth road, where I’m pretty sure the ending would be least expected than what I’ve expected.

Dear Allah, I’m writing this so that my heart won’t spill its honesty elsewhere. I want to stop doing this, the love to a man, that absolutely will stain my heart from remembering you. I am sorry for everything, for not being a good ‘Abd, for ignoring you for so long. If there’s still a room for me to repent myself, I’d certainly want to seize the opportunity. Will you accept me back?
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dari dulu...ujian ni sangat berat untuk aku tanggung,
Allah.......aku tak sanggup lagi buat pilihan yang berat ni....
nnti saat di mahsyar, terhitungnya amalanku, saat terbuka segala cerita yang engkau rakam,
apakah akan terlindung dari pandangan manusia...
Allah...aku malu...padaMu dan sekalian  makhluk! Labels:

"i like this guy" (0)

the truth ain't always easier to handle in real life.

to be done something inevitable and brought it to the real people, words are said but actions can ever be taken. there's a lot more to think of, and the world never really revolve around you, alone. the result may involve people's emotional stability, which is quite heavy to handle.

 love speak its own language, and making it hard for me to even grasp its vitality and importance that would keep me on track, yet offers quite a good result at the end of my own crazy decision.

i have to keep it, until the day that it might kill me for keeping it away from him. since i tried to help myself from 'me', maybe with being in my own  rehab perimeter, hopefully this effort pays off. from islamic perspective, this is not considered as proper way of approaching  someone you like. 

as long as i can keep my distance and be good, i will. 
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