It was time to take a little break while my other friends,
still fighting with ACAD and design. My eyes sore, nearly blinded by those
lines, photoshop's coloring and arghh the deadline the day after tomorrow. My whole
body feel cold, shiver, and my head numbed! Countless times did i told myself to be strong
and to not give up architecture.
It was a moment ago did i opened the facebook, checking
notifications and having a small conversation with my chinese friend. Scrolling down the pages, one of my favorite
fan page 'Telekung People' showed something that inevitably touched my heart. Seeing the pictures of abandoned oldster, at
the house care, whoah....suddenly i forgot all my work and started to write this
little entry about myself and my dream.
Little that people know, even those my family members,
except my closest friends, know about my interest on social activity. Since i
was a kid, i can't stand but cried when i saw people at the streets, children
on TV starved, suffered from malnutrition, didn't even have money to buy food, clothes, it's the human daily basis
they lacked of, not some accessories to simply be put in your house! That's why
sometimes, i'll close the TV so i won't see the capitalist dancing over the dying
bodies of children, women and men all over the world.
See, how blissful our life can be? Still resisting on
thanking Allah, yeah. That's Insan- always forgetting ni'mah given to them.
My father would sometimes scolded me if i shut off or
changing the channel of his favorite tv3 berita or Buletin Utama. What a *** of
those mainstream TV, they play political biased, never true to the public where
folks blindly believes all the story even if its FITNAH! - (EMOING)
---------------
I still remember, in secondary school, i was not a good
student, i don't socialize with people, kept running everything , all by
myself. At that time, that's was the only option left, isolating friends, to
cater my own personal problems. The problem INSIDE, not outside. I don't mind. Apart of my crisis, which
definitely can only be solved after 6 years, being raped by my dark side, i was
also thinking about doing some charity job, or joining voluntary club, just to get to know people
and getting to know the meaning of life I've
longed for. But surely it remains intentions, since i didn't speak to my
parents much at that time. Huh. There's a few places I've searched on the
internet or unexpectedly stumble upon some pages, webs, and ads on radio. Can't
do much either. Life remains the same.
Now? There's always a rooms left in my heart to be part of
the members. Some of my kakak naqibah also introduce me to their activities
related not only to da'wah but also into helping people(which is part of
Islam's teaching too) and it's very
interesting to me as i keep my eyes on certain private organization, to maybe
get connected to them one day. I've joined few, but i don't think it is enough
yet. I want to do it till my last breath, because only i know, what my soul
ought for. My mind would maybe forget when i eagerly wanted to do this, but i'm
sure, as i know the world, i feel the urge to be caliph, to be good to people
and having a good connection to the earth.
The world do not
always gives you hell, as it is balanced since the day of its creation. Hopefully
God will lead me through my way to Him. I'll feel ashamed if i kneel down to
Him, in front of whole ummah since Adam,
presenting nothing, no da'wah, no good deeds, no continuation of
mujahadah, and wasting the given time. At that moment, i'm no less than the
ashes, resentment will lead me nowhere but to the hellfire.
Na'uzubillah.
Pray with me, upon our life and death shall be blessed by
Allah and His Almighty kingdom.
* I miss Ramadhan and Mekkah. May Allah give me the
opportunity to be there again.
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