Dear Abah.

I need you like hell. I need a father whom i can talk to, who'll guide my path, who'll understand my silent and anger, Abah, i want to talk to you about everything; despair, heart broken, when i'm so deeply in love with something, or when i'm fall and lost in the midst of searching for myself. i need you to breath out my burden, lighten my guilt. I couldn't bring myself to talk to you about anything and why was that? Abah,i am so sorry for being such a selfish, rude and spoiled-brat daughter. I wish i knew what the hell is wrong with me, maybe i need a psychiatrist for that. Abah, i am so sorry for depending on you too much for not being able to be independent and do thing properly, just follow the flow. Am i making excuses for my own failure? blaming, pointing fingers every time i fall?




Abah, i need you to tell my stories, i want to hug you ,i need you attention, your trust and  being pampered by you whilst hearing comforting words " it's ok to fall, dear. Nothing lasts forever, so as your despair and failure" I will never compare you with anybody out there, i know i was having a bad dreams lately, and i need you to tell me "it's just a dream, don't be too afraid of the dark" and i know i was dreaming to hearing you saying that to me. I accept you the way Allah gives you to me, i love you very much, that not of these words worth your sacrifices you've made.

i'm, sorry for being such
a bad daughter.

-Ila
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