it is tiring to see this love fall apart.
it is far more exasperating to see them give up
it is painful to see them in despair
it is hard to accept that nobody wanna sit and talk
why is it so hard to pull our hearts together?
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it is tiring to see this love fall apart.
it is far more exasperating to see them give up
it is painful to see them in despair
it is hard to accept that nobody wanna sit and talk
why is it so hard to pull our hearts together?
Labels:
A War (0)
I cried (without tears)
As i couldn't even remember
What love means
How it felt like
What the uncertainty would bring me to
I shut it off
I killed my own emotions
The scars even hid its very existance
Veiled the blood stains
The emotions were forgotten
He thought it was for the right reason
Maybe.
But I was...
Screaming, calling for a savior
Pull harder to seize it once again
Just once
To breath
To feel
To have a story to be told
To have a secret to be kept
Please
Give me a new one
The one that would understand
And adapt
The one that makes me human
And
ALIVE
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Pilgrim of Hajj (0)
mama reminds me of hijrah before you'd ever dream of being there.
"By (the Token of) Time (through the ages), (1)
Verily Man is in loss, (2)
Except such as have Faith, and do righteous deeds, and (join together) in the mutual teaching of Truth, and of Patience and Constancy.(3) "
- سورة العص
He's calling me. Don't judge me, people. Love me, guide me through my journey. I know i'm no way better than you, but i'm growing.
i know how stubborn and obstinate i am, i give up on myself, Allah , a thousand times and i can give up, no more.
Giving up seems more wearisome, and exhausted than trying !
let's try some more.
mask. (0)
let's not lie to each other,huh.
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personality isn't something you can lie to people. Either it is good or bad. it shows.
i was facing this problem since i was very young to even understand what was it. being deeply immersed in it, with no hands to hold on, not even a barrier to cross, in between the lines of darkness and light. i've never stop asking myself about ME.it's a turmoil continuosly chasing after me.
the mask that i wore, i couldn't barely recognized which one is me, and which one was trying to get over my life. sometimes, in a nick of time, i feel sacred and pure,while some other times, the mask brings me to my other world of hatred, hostility, greeds, obsessions; at the end--------poff! my good deeds were all gone, and i have to start over every time i stumble into this trap. again and again and again.
i'm tired of writing, feeling the same old feelings,seeing ruthless sins by your own hand, as much as i tried to stop it, i did it again, giving up. it seems now, even my limbs won't cooperate my courage anymore. here i am, all alone, body without a soul, restless mind agonized day by day. oh, God, i betrayed you, i had nothing left, i thought it would be easier as time passes, but the mountain keeps growing.
i told sarah, i gave up.
"pernah dgr x ungkapan, maksiat selalunya x menghilangkan rezeki tetapi menarik munajat"
i was wondering what it means.
To Protect My Love (0)
Dear diary
I hope i will love God more.
Dear God just for tonight. I want to fall in love. I hope that
somebody will fall for me. Mutually fall
for each other. Just for tonight. Just for tonight. Let him remember me and let him count his sins by
remembering me and not You , and then, let him let me go. Let our love fall apart because
of the remembrance of you. But please, one day, Let our soul be one,
let us be one because of you.
After these days that I’ve been having headache thinking about
myself, it will be over in a few more hours. It will not kill my joy with
people, but might totally tarnish my love for a man. Right after writing this stupid confession, I will
make sure, not even a minute will I ever let my guard down just to fall again. Just
for tonight, dear God. Even though I might die tomorrow? I don’t know, but I’m
sure to love you, in a way that I have never thought of before. As for my fate,
and the worrisome jodoh things, this is my vow, to keep my heart pure, to
accept anything that might’ve come to me. Life is a choice, the labyrinth road, where I’m
pretty sure the ending would be least expected than what I’ve expected.
Dear Allah, I’m writing this so that my heart won’t spill
its honesty elsewhere. I want to stop doing this, the love to a man, that
absolutely will stain my heart from remembering you. I am sorry for everything,
for not being a good ‘Abd, for ignoring you for so long. If there’s still a
room for me to repent myself, I’d certainly want to seize the opportunity. Will
you accept me back?
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dari dulu...ujian ni sangat berat untuk aku tanggung,
Allah.......aku tak sanggup lagi buat pilihan yang berat ni....
nnti saat di mahsyar, terhitungnya amalanku, saat terbuka segala cerita yang engkau rakam,
apakah akan terlindung dari pandangan manusia...
Allah...aku malu...padaMu dan sekalian makhluk! Labels:
Allah.......aku tak sanggup lagi buat pilihan yang berat ni....
nnti saat di mahsyar, terhitungnya amalanku, saat terbuka segala cerita yang engkau rakam,
apakah akan terlindung dari pandangan manusia...
Allah...aku malu...padaMu dan sekalian makhluk! Labels:
