mask.

let's not lie to each other,huh.

personality isn't something you can lie to people. Either it is good or bad. it shows.

i was facing this problem since i was very young to even understand what was it. being deeply immersed in it, with no hands to hold on, not even a barrier to cross, in between the lines of darkness and light. i've never stop asking myself about ME.it's a turmoil continuosly chasing after me. 

the mask that i wore, i couldn't barely recognized which one is me, and which one was trying to get over my life. sometimes, in a nick of time, i feel sacred and pure,while some other times, the mask brings me to my other world of hatred, hostility, greeds, obsessions; at the end--------poff!  my good deeds were all gone, and i have to start over every time i stumble into this trap. again and again and again.

i'm tired of writing, feeling the same old feelings,seeing ruthless sins by your own hand, as much as i tried to stop it, i did it again, giving up. it seems now, even my limbs won't cooperate my courage anymore. here i am, all alone, body without a soul,  restless mind agonized day by day. oh, God, i betrayed you, i had nothing left, i thought it would be easier as time passes, but the mountain keeps growing.

i told sarah, i gave up.

"pernah dgr x ungkapan, maksiat selalunya x menghilangkan rezeki tetapi menarik munajat"

 i was wondering what it means. 

Berdoa tanpa henti.. Berusaha tanpa putus asa.... insyaALLAH ALLAH akan makbulkan apa maksud sebenar yang kita perlu... yang penting jangan putus asa.. . menangis tanpa bersedih... fokus pada pertolongan ALLAH... masa menentukan jika bersabar... semuanya amalan mulia... ujian ALLAH untuk orang2 yang bersabar dan orang2 yang ingin berubah kearah kebaikan... :) ust.Don

What would happen to a body that was starved, suffocated and then forced to drink poison? It would first suffer and then die an agonizing death. We willingly starve and suffocate our hearts by turning away form the remembrance of God. And then we poison our hearts through the bad company we keep, the garbage that goes into our eyes and ears, and emanates from our tongue…
And then we wonder why our heart feels dead.

-yasmin mogahed

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